Wishful thinking

What is it about human mind that tends to worry about the something or the other all the time? No sooner you get something that you wished for, you start thinking about the next thing you have always wanted. You go ticking the to-do-list mentally. Can the mind ever be contented at what the present has to offer? Is it ok to keep aspiring for one thing or the other? Would you want nothing more once you are a hundred years old. I doubt that. If not something for you, there is always that little something your son/daughter/grand kid wants. You start building castles in air on their behalf as well. The mind is always thinking of an "i wish" thing. I wish we could afford a bigger house. I wish i could buy the new furniture that i saw at the store. I wish i could travel the world for a bit more. I wish my kids would study harder. I wish my grandkid lands his dream job....Even after you are dead, people are trying to fulfill your last wish!

golmaal hai bhai ..sab golmaal hai

Just this morning K and i were watching the news. The news channels were full of the latest in match fixing( something to do with Pak cricket players being accused for match fixing). Every morning without fail, what seems to hit the headlines these days is corruption, cheating, money laundering etc. And not to forget the various other tragedies like bombings, murder or natural calamity Its just to depressing to start your day off on such a note.

Corruption is the single biggest thing affecting the progress of our country. Can we as common people do something about it? Can just a handful of people who have no bureaucratic powers eradicate corruption by not giving bribes, paying up taxes and generally adhering to the rules laid down by the government? Admittedly, this is a beaten-to-death topic. But one thing that i always wonder, is there anything you or me as law-abiding citizens do to bring down corruption and accelerate development?

The few weeks that i was in Canada, i repeatedly heard the same from the immigrants there, that corruption is prevalent even there but it never affects the common man.
Given India's situation i am ok if we come to a level where common man is not affected by corruption.

to do or not to do....

The topics of conversation be it in the social, friends or family circle, seem to be drifting towards higher education, getting that coveted Master's degree. For some it has become essential to get a degree to change their line of work, MBA being the most common. For some others it is an MS degree preferably from a US university. And for people who cant move away from their homes/commitments, distance education seems to be the option.

I too had aspirations of having an MS degree from a US university. Even went as far as preparing for GRE exams and managed to get a decent score.
For me it was the experience of having studied in a different country, living independently which was the premise. The kind of course work, the radically different teaching approaches was what i wanted to experience. Of course i was also to gain from the "technical expertise" :)

Circumstances forced me to give this up and i can confidently say i am happy to have taken that decision.

Let me go on to enumerate the various options that i have and why it wouldn't suit me.

I don't see the point of distance education. I can never take it up full time i.e sitting at home and reading up pages of technical stuff. It isn't challenging enough for me. I can think of doing it part time. I cant handle the stress that would result from balancing deadlines at work, course work, projects and ofcourse domestic life. I would end up in a similar job in India that i now have, with only a slight increase in pay.

So what is the point of this rambling you ask? :) i see an increasing number of people around me doing their master's degree. And that leaves me wondering if i am missing out on something. Sheep mentality perhaps!

However i feel the reasons for me pursuing one now are not strong enough. It also feels like time is running out. But that nag of not doing anything about it keeps coming back.....

hmmm....

It was a dream i had last night. One of my friends was visiting me during Diwali at my place. Nothing strange about the dream. It was just that "my place" was really my parents place and not my in-laws place. Close to two years of marriage, my subconcious has difficulty calling the place where i live, home. Even though i saw it built brick by brick, was part of every decision that was made and decorated the place myself. I guess more than 25 years of calling something yours can't be changed. My parents house will always be MY home. :)

Old age bites back?

An after dinner stroll turned out to be quite eventful and saddening today.

Close by home there is a temple outside which sits a security guard every night.
As we approached the temple we saw of couple of people milling around an old man who seem to be fast asleep. Looking at this i thought maybe the old man had lost his way. Having lived all my life in the same locality i can recognize quite a few people in the neighborhood. Thinking that maybe i would help the old man reach home, we approached the people who were standing around him. Turned out that this person wasn't someone i know. The security then told us it looked like the old man had deliberately left home as he had some bottled water and bread with him. It was his way of preparation to fend for himself.
One of the neighbors had got a blanket for the old man and asked him who he was and if he had lost his way. The old man looked like he was from a respected and well to-do-family. Any question that was asked to the old man to place his whereabouts, met with the same answer "Gottilla" (I don't know).

This situation moved me to tears. We stood there for sometime looking at the old man sleeping on the cold stone slab. And we moved on. Apparently this was the second time in the week that such an incident happened by the temple.

I wonder why people are ill-treated as they get old. I agree that they become senile and child-like. All they ask is for food,shelter and some love and affection if you are generous enough. After all the sacrifices and hardships parents face to bring up their kids, is it too difficult to take care of them nicely during their old age? Isn't it every child's responsibility and every parent's right?

It also made me think, how selfish the society in general is. All we did was, show sympathy for the old man ,feel bad for him and just get on with our lives. But then, I am an average person, whose decisions are impacted by/impact others around me. Or maybe i am using it as an excuse.
I have new found respect for people who are into serving the society. It takes a lot of selflessness and compassion to reach out and help people and give them permanent solutions to their problems.
Maybe i will go back with some food tomorrow, if not help find a shelter for the old man, thats the least i can do, if he is still around.

Up close and personal?

Conversation over the lunch table at office steered to job interviews. One of my colleagues wife attended an interview recently.In the HR round, after asking the usual set of questions, the HR asked her if she was married. When she answered in the affirmative, the HR wanted to know how long she had been married for. Later the interviewer wants to know if they plan to have kids any time soon. Thats none of his/her damn business if you ask me. My colleague's reasoning was they wouldnt want to hire someone who is likely to go away on maternity leave as soon as she joins the job.
But how far can one go when asking such personal questions? Are they even allowed to ask such questions?

Just some things off the top of my head ...

Looks like i have run into a dry patch for blogging already..... so now i am planning to follow what all popular bloggers do when they have nothing interesting to write about! write about what they have been upto in their lives. Although i fail to see why some one would be interested in reading about what i have been upto, I am sure i will read it some years later ( if my blog still exists ) and thinking about how boring or interesting my life was a few years earlier!! The 2 or 3 readers i have will know i am still an active blogger :)

phew...now that the rather lengthy disclaimer is over... i will get down to the actuals..

Firstly i had been crazy busy at work with some kind of an initiative that everyone had to work towards. It took ages to finish and took away most of my weekends too :(
And then I am in a top priority project for the schedules are quite hectic. so expecting a few more months of hectic schedules. But I suppose in these times i should be glad about having good work.

The house has been coming along quite nicely with most of the stuff put away where they are supposed to be. I am yet to tackle the curio cabinet which will house the crockery. I dont know what to do with the sheer amount of serving bowl sets we got as gifts. Combining the ones we got for our wedding it must be around 8-9 sets of serving bowls :P . Oh and the number of Ganeshas we got is enough to start one of those Ganesha collections. We got them in all sizes,shapes and colors. My MIL managed to give away a few of them and now she is feeling bad and thinks that it would offend Lord Ganesha and is planning to use some of the nicer ones around the house :)

After K and I realised that we have not been spending enough time together what with the house, office work and social commitments, we seem to be doing some fun things. Caught up on a lot of movies of all languages... I suffered through the movie "300" and gave it up half way as it was too gory! and poor K suffered through "sex and the city". Not sure what the hooplah was all about. I suppose one had to watch the entire series to know what the hype was all about.

K has an upcoming eye procedure this weekend. A little worried about that and hoping everything goes smoothly. Although it wont solve the condition, it will atleast prevent further progression of the condition. Keeping my fingers crossed!!

We joined a 12 session astronomy course at the planetarium. I was so hoping we would actually have live demonstrations inside the planetarium. Turns out that it is a series of lectures and the concluding session has a free show!
The lectures are very technical but it is fun. All the physics we studied in college are being talked about in the sessions. What was boring in college is now so interesting. It is so refreshing to go back to basic sciences than working on computer related stuff all the time.

A lot of introspection has been happening off late and as i understand people better, i am learning to tolerate people's quirkiness and look beyond it. Now that i know how certain people react, i dont waste my time thinking what i did or didn't do for them to react the way they did.

There has been this thing nagging me. Is it ok to be relieved/happy that some one from the group at work is quitting? We are supposed to be this close-knit group so not sure about how i should be feeling. I know i will be spared a lot of negativity in the group now! I dont have to worry about being judged harshly, or picking up arguements or generally putting up with the person's high and mighty attitude! :)

ok...i think i will get back to work now!

Musings 3

Why is it that people are so forthcoming with negative criticism and cannot get themselves to speak about the good things?
Is it so difficult to show appreciation? My take on this is, if people talk about things which could have been done better, they sure can talk about things which went right. Not that I need to hear good things all the time, but it just goes to show the kind of person he/she is, who is reluctant to agree that something is good!

Experience speaks..

Of late most conversations with my mother seem to be centred around the same topic. I usually take her advice on people management, what with her plethora of experience managing people. Perhaps this sounds strange if you dont have to interact with relatives on an everyday basis. With friends its different. Its more casual and you are pretty sure of how they would react.

But with relatives, you have to be more gaurded. They are constantly judging you, watching your every move, critiquing every word that you utter. If i had it my way, I would have thrown all caution to wind and wouldnt have cared a damn and spoken out what exactly i think of them, but sometimes it doesnt work that way. You need to have that harmony and maintain outwardly appearances atleast for the family's sake. That way i am lucky that K's parents are some of the nicest people i know and i dont have to worry about such things with them.

Anyway, coming back to what i started off with, one such conversation i had with my mom, it was interesting to note her reaction . "try to do those things which people want, especially with those who are always judging you and waiting for that one wrong move from your side. One should never give an opportunity for them to comment on you. With people who matter , its different, they understand you." However warped that logic sounds, i have seen that it works. Atleast you are at peace with yourself and spared all the negativity which would arise otherwise.

I have seen more often than not , sometimes experience in dealing with people matters more than just "doing the right thing". You sometimes have to compromise and do whatever it is that people want you to do. That way you are at peace. I guess thats the reason that she has successfully managed a big and happy household for 30 odd years.

She has humongous amounts of patience and tolerance for all kinds of people.Not sure if i can emulate her, but one thing that i have decided is atleast be patient when dealing with people, even though they have been nasty in the past and dont deserve the attention. Sigh, quite a task it will turn out to be.

At Death's door...

I was returning home from office and saw a group of people huddled in front of the neighbour's house. I didnt make too much of it. I thought it was just a bunch of women gathered around to share local gossip. Being new to the neighborhood we have not yet reached a stage of familiarity where we indulge in friendly banter with neighbors. It was only later in the night when we saw an ambulance parked by that something was amiss. And we learnt that a 30-year old man had committed suicide. As we learned more, i realised that i had actually known the guy when a bunch of us kids had given a program on radio. That was 15 years ago and i hadnt seen him after that.

The news of his death saddened me and the realisation that i had actually known the person hit me hard. I remember him as a gangly kid with bright eyes and a ready smile. He was the most talkitive amongst us kids.

I still cant fathom what was so unbearable in his life that prompted him to end it. What could have been so irreversible that he resorted to this heinous act?
What went through his mind in those last few minutes before he made the decision?
How did he summon up so much courage to knock on death's door?

These questions, i know are the same that his family is trying to seek answers for.
His parents will never know his last thoughts. I can only pray that they find solace in this difficult time. I can only pray that his soul rests in peace.

Thought for the day??

Have you ever been in a situation where you thought you were doing the perfectly normal thing and then suddenly the world is criticizing you?
Everyone sets certain expectations and wants you to live upto them. And you are trying hard not to give in and do things the way you want to!
This is what i saw on The Bride's blog which echoes my thoughts today!

Living under an illusion....

I have always heard people talking about someone else being on drugs or being doped.
I have seen on TV and movies junkies snorting cocaine or smoking marijuana.
However today i got to witness firsthand some one actually under the haze of addictive stuff.

This happened on my way to work while traveling in an auto rickshaw. While we were waiting for the traffic lights to go green, i noticed this person sitting on the sidewalk,inhaling from a bottle. On close observation i realized that it was a commonly used correction fluid called Erazex. It is cheap and easily available and the most common addicts to such stuff are the urchins and people living off streets.

They probably see it as a means of attaining quick relief from the harsh life that reality offers them. They would rather be living under an illusion than be faced with hunger, homelessness and the generally desolate life they lead.

I looked up for more information on this and found an article relevant to the city i live in. You can read more about it here . It was published sometime last year.

In comparison to this, it left me wondering why people who seem to be relatively doing well in life end up doing substance abuse.

Musings.....

Each time she picks up the phone, something holds her back from actually making the call.
Is there anything left to talk? To make up for the years of silence?
The words had never flowed easily. There was never a feeling of kinship. They had never been giggly teenagers who had shared secrets ,talked about crushes,gossiped about others.
She always felt she didn't measure up to the standards.
Why then did she feel that she still had to hold on to this one?